Thursday, May 26, 2011

3 dollar therapy session!

im a mess. a big. fat. hot. mess. ive got a lot going on in the little brain of mine of mine one of which being that in a week and a half im having back surgery. yea, you they cut me open, push away some muscles, shave (really? shave?) off part of my disc, put the muscle back and close me up again. yea- im kinda scared. ok, i lied...alot scared. reach the beach was one of the best and most emotional times ive had in a while. by the time we reached the beach i couldn't hold on anymore. i let my teammates stuff their faces with some well deserved food while i took a walk and cried for a while.

that was supposed to be me running up that ski slope.

i was supposed to be making a fashion statement in the headlamp and vest at 3:30am

danielle powered through her last leg and we all joined her and crossed the finish line together. they even gave me a medal. but i didn't deserve it.

one of the things that ive been missing in all this is exercise. sweat. hardwork. ive thought about going to the pool on several occasions. it scares me. im not a great swimmer by any means. technically im pretty funny to watch. i got talking to morgan about aqua jogging and decided i could probably manage that. the monday after rtb i decided that i was going to hit the pool and give it a whirl.

im not going to lie, i googled "how to aqua jog" before i went. trrrrue story. the first night was all about figuring it out. i think i jogged 1600 meters that night. i felt good, my hip was starting to bother me at the end so i stopped before anything got bad. after i called morgan so she could give me some more tips. i figured out how to keep track of my laps but i learned that when i zone out i forget. focus sarah focus!

i went back again the next night and busted out 2700 meters in about 55 minutes. i have no idea what this means but it was probably one of the best workouts ive had in a long time, both mentally and physically. i started off a bit slow but about 8 laps in i got in to a groove. its kinda like how i really hate the first 3ish miles of my runs. i usually want to turn around and go home and just as i am about to stop and start walking something clicks in and i settle in to my run. this was the same kind of thing. i slogged for a while before something kicked in and i powered through the rest.

tonight i went back for my third workout. 3000 meters in 60 minutes. again, no idea if this is "good" or "bad" but i honestly don't care. i paid 3 bucks for a 60 minute therapy session. i thought about alot of things tonight. each time i got to the end and turned to head back i looked at the wall ahead of me and focused all my energy there. i saw a lot of numbers on that wall. 4:06:23, 59:59, 1:57, 8:30, 26.2. i saw myself running through the finish line of MY marathon (oh, and i looked gooood incase you were wondering). i thought of luau and sam who were both battling autism today- my problems were nothing compared to theirs. i thought of zach, who inspires me in more ways then he will ever know. i cursed at runners who can bq on a regular basis but then i thought that maybe i have a quality that they wished they had. there were times when i felt like i wasn't moving at all, it was these times when i literally talked to myself out loud and said "don't stop now sarah, finish this". i also finally figured out what my 26.2 tattoo is going to look like. epic.

the first two nights they had music playing but tonight there was nothing. all i heard was my breathing, and the sound of the water. i wondered if this is what it was like to run without music, something i have a hard time doing. i don't like hearing my feet hit the pavement or my breath completely out of control. i started to think about the things i need/want/am going to do to be a better runner. im mentally ready to put in the time, effort, and hard work needed to be stronger and faster.

im sorry for all the debby downer posts lately but tonight i feel good. im excited for the future, for my plans, to use this experience to make me stronger.  hang in there with me cause im going to need all the support i can get while i get cut open. im still scared.
happy sarah leving the pool!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...