patience? i haz none

....true story. i might be the most inpatient person ever. not like, oh hey it's taken you 45 minutes to bring me my cheeseburger and fries you suck, inpatient. more like, i've been killing myself at the gym for a whole week, why am i not buff and have abs of steal by now, inpatient.

this whole injury thing has tested my patience a time or two. i hate sitting around and waiting for things to happen..like all these doctors appointments. i can't tell you how many times i was referred to an office and then told it would be 3-4 weeks before i could get in.

excuse me, i dont have 3-4 weeks. i have a marathon to start training for. i need to get fixed now!


clearly my urgency wasn't enough for them to fit me in any earlier. sigh. as it got later and later in the spring i slowly realized that my fall marathon was out the window (good news: i can write about it and not cry anymore! progress my friends!).

having 6 weeks off in the summer and being told to "wake up, take your meds, eat breakfast, go for a walk, take a nap, take your meds, eat lunch, go for a walk, take a nap, take your meds, eat dinner, go for a walk and then go to bed" sounds pretty sweet and im sure many people would be jealous of such a thing. i enjoyed it for a while but after a week, i was bored, restless and itching to get back to life.

anyone that knows me, knows that i don't slow down for much. i had a lot of time to think which i always have told my patients is not a good idea. too much thinking is never good. i had minor freak out moments where i felt like i would never get better and days when i felt so good i wanted to put my running shoes on and take off. i talked to two different running friends that i have a lot of respect for and they both told me i need to be patient.

but you knooooooow im not patient


you'll get back and you'll be fine. but you must be patient. if you're not, that's how you'll injure yourself. just know the more patient you are now, the better it will be later.


ok. fine. 


so here i sit. trying to be patient, a week left to go in my recovery and feeling pretty good. i take my daily 3ish mile walk once or twice a day and then rest. i spend way too much time on twitter (im sure the twitterverse will be happy when i return to work) and watching tv. i read trashy books and think about what it will be like to get back to life again. im so thankful i have the unlimited texting plan (is 8,000 a month too much?) and have designed my next tattoo. i've also refocused myself. i know what i want and im so excited to go get it. like jumping out of my skin excited!

i know that im going to need to carry all this patience over into my training. before i got injured, 26.2 was going to be a challenge. running doesn't come easy or naturally to me. it's something i have to put a lot of work into. now that i have to start from scratch, its going to be even more of a challenge. im going to need patience, trust, and strength to get through it...all things ive needed and had to get through the last 5 months. i know ive got 'em....just need to put them to use!

things are looking up!

oh hi! it's me...the one who hasn't blessed this blog with her im so depressed posts love in a good month or so. breaking news folks: IM BACK!!! last time i updated you was a week post surgery, im now 4 1/2 weeks out. to be honest, it hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns...which is kinda why you haven't heard from me. i was sick of having nothing good today say, or pretending i had good things to say. i don't wanna get too excited but i think i am finally making some progress. there was some concern that i had reherniated my disc and had a follow up CT scan which showed "post op abnormalities". oy, thats a phrase i dislike. so they had to order an mri to confirm or deny a reherniation. i got the results of that today and to quote my doc "your mri looks fine, no disc issues at all".

for real!? im good to go!?


he says the pain im feeling in my leg could be some nerve damage or some scar tissue. to be honest, the pain isn't that bad compared to what i was feeling before my surgery. hell, i havent taken any pain meds since 3 days post op. that says something, especially when i was taking 8 vicodin a day just to get through the day before surgery. what i feel is a pinch right behind my right knee and its worse when im not active. doc said that getting in the pool is A OK and thinks that will be the best thing for me right now.


to say the last 4+ weeks has been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. i can remember 2 days specifically that i just wanted to jump off the ledge. i was mentally done. the first day i sent my dear friend an email asking him all my "what if" questions. he wrote back, answered every last one of my "what if" questions and talked me off the ledge. then, i got two care packages that day from two amazing friends.

then a few weeks later when my leg was really getting wonky and worse this gem of a package showed up at my parents doorstep from my royal sister...

another thing that has kept me from freaking out is going through all this with someone. i remember getting back to my room from surgery and seeing a tweet from eric. he was going to have the same surgery as i just had a week later. we've been chatting since and it's been so nice to have someone to talk to about different pains or things that are going on in our recovery. i have had amazing support from all my friends and family but it's nice to talk to someone who understands and knows the exact things im talking about.

sooooo that's the injury update. just because my leg has been all wonky doesn't mean it has slowed me down any....

ive been watching hours of whale wars with zachie at night...

reading lots of trash magazines...

taking boat rides to islands off the coast of maine...

watching joanie kick butt at the ll bean 4th of july 10k...

enjoying parades with my little man...

eating lots of strawberry shortcake...

taking t on lots of walks...up lots of hills...

and of course watching lots of world cup soccer!!

i've also been swooning over all things tattoo and hope solo related...but that's all for a different day! :-)

ive got another week and a half or so of recovery left before i am cleared to go back to work. im finally feeling good. ive got some spunk back and im not letting it get away from me again!

a little help from my patients...

i dont talk about my work on here and i try to keep that private. but today i wanted to share something with you. each day i run a group for my patients at work. today's topic was gratitude. something i think that we could all take a lesson in from time to time. for me, my lesson came today. i won't go into details but we had a good discussion and one of my patients said something that really hit home to me and brought me back to reality. i like to wrap up my groups by reading a reflection or a poem of some kind. today we read one of my favorite poems that i have on file and i wanted to share it with you.

be thankful

-anonymous

be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

if you did, what would there to be to look forward to?

be thankful when you don't know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

be thankful for the difficult time.

during those times you grow.

be thankful for your limitations

becuase they give you opportunities for improvement.

be thankful for each new challenge

becuase it will build your strength and character.

be thankful for your mistakes

they will teach you valuable lessons.

be thankful when you're tired and weary

because it means you've made a difference.

it is easy to be thankful for the good things.

a life of rich fulfillment come to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.

gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

find a way to be thankful for your troubles

and they can become your blessings.



no matter how healthy or unhealthy we are. how rich or poor. how educated or uneducated we are....we all have setbacks from time to time. it's how we deal with them that seperates us from each other.

there are a lot of things in life i am grateful for. my friends, family, and my health are among the most important things for me. right now i can't run, but i sure am grateful that i can walk. i may not be able to play with T like i want, but i can still still his beautiful smile and hear his contagious laugh. im grateful that i have bloggy friends who are out there and follow my ups and downs, that care enough to text me, email me or send me a message on twitter when they notice i haven't been around or having a bad day. you don't know it, but i really appreciate it. thank you.

what are you grateful for?

im a mom first.

ive struggled with this post for the last week. i didnt (and still dont) know what i wanted to say or how i wanted to say it. i dont want to spend this entire post complaining- but im frustrated and hurting. i spent last week on the pity pot and feeling pretty sorry for myself. i didn't think you needed to join me there.

if you've been following you know im injured. you can read a little more about that here. since then things have gotten a little worse each day. at this point im on a crap load of pain meds which make it bearable to get through the day. i still walk all funny. ive been told my my super awesome and nice coworkers that i look like i have a load in my pants, mego preggo and an abnormal gate. now thats hot.

ive tried everything. heat, ice, chiropractor, core strengthening exercises, 2 steroid shots (they lasted 2 days each), exercise and rest. ive seen 4 different doctors and nothing is making this any better. i finally called my pcp to come up with a plan c. he ordered another mri and set up an appointment with a neurosurgeon. he thinks that part of my disc has broken off and is pressing against my nerve. this may explain why the steriod shots have not been working.

im frustrated

im hurt

im not running.

the thing i do to cope with life is not there when i need it. i have been in denial about how bad this injury might be. i was convinced that id be better in time to run the reach the beach relay next week with my dirty little freaks. i mean really- this injury happend in january, 4 months later i thought id be ok. sadly, i had to make the decision to back out of the race. i cried for a while. then the realization that i might not be better in time to start training for the mdi marathon set in. this is the race i have been looking forward to for over a year. i spent last summer super mego preggo and unable to run. i spent the summer looking forward to start running again. this was going to be the summer that i made progress as a runner. i was going to get stronger, faster and i was going to get a killer PR at beach 2 beacon. as im laying in bed, crying and feeling sorry for myself something happened...

ty was playing on the floor and he started fussing. i got out of bed to pick him up. i couldn't. i couldn't get down on the ground to play with him, to pick him up, to comfort him, to be a mom to him. i realized at that point that i was being totally selfish. yeah, i want to get back to running but i need to get better so i can be a mom first. this is his first summer. we having camping trips planned, days at the beach, hikes, baseball games to go to, dirt to play in. i need to be better so i can enjoy all those things...then, once im a mom again, i can be a runner. ty needs me. my husband needs me.

so that's whats going on in sarah's world. i'll keep you posted as things progress. im going to get off the pity pot and focus on the better things in life. i woke up to a beautiful sunny day. things will get better and i will be ok.

"falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does" -anonymous