im a mom first.

ive struggled with this post for the last week. i didnt (and still dont) know what i wanted to say or how i wanted to say it. i dont want to spend this entire post complaining- but im frustrated and hurting. i spent last week on the pity pot and feeling pretty sorry for myself. i didn't think you needed to join me there.

if you've been following you know im injured. you can read a little more about that here. since then things have gotten a little worse each day. at this point im on a crap load of pain meds which make it bearable to get through the day. i still walk all funny. ive been told my my super awesome and nice coworkers that i look like i have a load in my pants, mego preggo and an abnormal gate. now thats hot.

ive tried everything. heat, ice, chiropractor, core strengthening exercises, 2 steroid shots (they lasted 2 days each), exercise and rest. ive seen 4 different doctors and nothing is making this any better. i finally called my pcp to come up with a plan c. he ordered another mri and set up an appointment with a neurosurgeon. he thinks that part of my disc has broken off and is pressing against my nerve. this may explain why the steriod shots have not been working.

im frustrated

im hurt

im not running.

the thing i do to cope with life is not there when i need it. i have been in denial about how bad this injury might be. i was convinced that id be better in time to run the reach the beach relay next week with my dirty little freaks. i mean really- this injury happend in january, 4 months later i thought id be ok. sadly, i had to make the decision to back out of the race. i cried for a while. then the realization that i might not be better in time to start training for the mdi marathon set in. this is the race i have been looking forward to for over a year. i spent last summer super mego preggo and unable to run. i spent the summer looking forward to start running again. this was going to be the summer that i made progress as a runner. i was going to get stronger, faster and i was going to get a killer PR at beach 2 beacon. as im laying in bed, crying and feeling sorry for myself something happened...

ty was playing on the floor and he started fussing. i got out of bed to pick him up. i couldn't. i couldn't get down on the ground to play with him, to pick him up, to comfort him, to be a mom to him. i realized at that point that i was being totally selfish. yeah, i want to get back to running but i need to get better so i can be a mom first. this is his first summer. we having camping trips planned, days at the beach, hikes, baseball games to go to, dirt to play in. i need to be better so i can enjoy all those things...then, once im a mom again, i can be a runner. ty needs me. my husband needs me.

so that's whats going on in sarah's world. i'll keep you posted as things progress. im going to get off the pity pot and focus on the better things in life. i woke up to a beautiful sunny day. things will get better and i will be ok.

"falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does" -anonymous

I'm shipping up to BOSTON!!!!

It's that time again!!! Last year was my first time attending the Boston Marathon! You can read my recap here! I only went down for one day and had SUCH a blast! I vowed to go back every year. It's only a 2 hour drive from my house, no brainer, right?! Since the 2010 Boston Marathon, I have been much more active in the social media world. Twitter, blogging etc...Throughout the year I have talked to so many awesome runners and have even met some of them! haha.. Over the spring and fall so many of them BQ and were luckily enough to beat the Boston registration craziness and made it in to the race. I am so excited to finally meet them all. Most are running and some are spectating. This year Danielle and I are going down for the weekend. We'll make our way through the expo which I hear is awesomeness for a runner. We'll go to several blogger/twitter meet ups. Happy hour, dinner, brunch, 5k. You name it, we are there. We're throwing in a Boston Red Sox game---don't get me wrong I am BEYOND excited for this. Fenway is one of my favorite places ever, but COME ON sox....get your ass in gear please. I've got out of town guests to impress.



Then Marathon Monday. We'll set up shop with our signs at mile 26.1, on the runners left across from Copley Plaza. This is right by the finish line, duh, and a very coveted spot. We get there early, meet other spectators, make friends with the cops and wait for the wheelchair race to start coming down Boyslton. Even though we are there 2-3 hours before anyone starts crossing the finish line, it's such a blast. Everyone is in the spirit. Once the runners start coming down Boylston I completely lose track of time and get my cheer on. Next thing I know, I have missed lunch, running on fuel from the coffee I had 7 hours earlier and my eyes hurt from watching all those speedy runners. I cant wait! Stay tuned, I'll have multiple recaps in the next week or so.

In other news. Injury update. On Wednesday I had my steroid shot. It seriously was one of the most uncomfortable feelings I've had in a while. I was told it was going to hurt a lot. I don't know if hurt was the word. My leg felt paralyzed for a while. After about 10 minutes of standing up my foot felt completely asleep. Lots of pins and needles.  I was told it would take 2 days to 2 weeks to find out if it is going to work. I have a follow up in 2 weeks. Today, I still feel a lot of numbness in the back of my leg down to behind my knee. Periodic tingling in my foot. This morning I have another appointment with my sports injury doc. We'll see what he says.

Safe travels to everyone making their way to Boston this weekend!!!

Injuries suck!

That back pain I mentioned ohhhhhh a month ago in my last blog? Yeah, after several doctors visits and an MRI it turns out to be a herniated disc in the L5 S1 region.  Awesome.  I've been beyond frustrated with my medical care. I know they see these kinds of injuries all the time, and it's not life threatening, but HELLO people! I am in a lot of pain and making me wait 4 weeks to get any kind of treatment really sucks! My toes go numb and I have shooting pains down my leg. I'm pretty sure this isn't normal. I feel like I was left to fix the problem myself and if I didn't advocate for myself I would have slipped through the cracks. 

My PCP referred me to a pain doctor. I left his office and was told they would call me to set up an appointment. A week passed and I still hadn't heard from them and I was on the verge of tears everyday with the amount of pain and discomfort I was in. I finally made a call to them and they were able to get me an appointment for the following day! Go figure. 

The next day I woke up to a nice blanket of snow on the ground and everything was shutting down! It's the end of March in Maine, I guess I had hoped we were past all this. So I ventured into the appointment to find out the doctor wasn't in that day and there was a miscommunication so they would have to reschedule! I was ok until they told me their next available appointment wasn't for another 6 weeks! It was at this point that I burst into tears. I took the appointment and left. I had no energy to fight or argue with them right there. 

I got back to work and got on the phone. I called my PCP to see if they could help....wouldn't you know,  he was on vacation for the next 2 weeks. More tears. The poor secretary got an ear full from me and said that she would call to see if there was anything she could do. About an hour later I got a call back from the pain docs telling me they were able to fit me in the following week.  

Then Jamie and Kate told me about a Sports Injury Chiropractor that they have seen and he treats a lot of runners! I had come to the realization that my training would probably have to slow down, but I'd like to see someone that understands my need to be pain free and to run again. Up until this point I have been getting "well, maybe you need to find a new hobby". 

I called my insurance to find out if they would cover this particular chiropractor, which of course they didn't. The out of pocket costs weren't so bad, so I decided to set up an appointment with him. He was able to get me in right away! YAY!

So I've now been to the pain doc and come to find out my visit with him was just an evaluation. UGH! I need some relief. He recommended a steroid shot which I am scheduled to get next week. Yesterday was my visit with the chiropractor. We spent a while talking and he was less then thrilled with my current treatment. He says "you don't need a pain doctor. those are for people who are 50 years old and have old back injuries! you're young, we need to get you healthy again!" ahhh so refreshing. he put a stop to my running for now, gave me an order for no bending AT ALL and gave me a series of core exercises I need to do daily. I am going back to see him next week after my shot. ANNNNND when I got out of the appointment, his super sweet secretary told me that my insurance WILL cover it and I just need to get a referral from my PCP! major win! 

So maybe things are starting to look up. I'm bummed that I will have to watch the BAA 5K next weekend. I was really looking forward to that. I've got 2 big races at the end of May that I really want to be healthy for so I know I need to rest. 

Speaking of Boston though, I can't tell you how pumped I am!!! Danielle and I are going to spend the weekend there. I finally get to meet Ally, Erin and Morgan plus a whooooole bunch of other sweet running/blogging/tweeting peeps! Sam got Red Sox tickets and ever so kindly invited us to go with him...let's just hope they can pull themselves out of this 0-6 start.