and the verdict is...

just when i thought i had shed all the tears physically possible regarding my injury, my lack of running and my pain....i shed a few more yesterday. ok, i lied, a lot more. some of you know, many do not, but i had a meeting with a neurosurgeon yesterday to discuss my options for my herniated disc. whenever i mentioned back surgery to anyone, they freaked.

back surgery is risky

i've heard so many horror stories

you're too young for that

my friend had that, it didn't help

yeah, i heard it all. if you had asked me 4 months ago if i would consider back surgery, my answer would have been hell no!. but this is wearing on me. mentally and physically. big time. i can't begin to explain to you the kind of pain i am in so that you would understand. im not asking you to understand. what i want you to know is that i have tried everything. ok, maybe not everything but i've tried a lot of other alternative types of therapies. this is not a decision i made quickly. unfortunately, due to my insurance, i have paid for many of these alternative therapies out of pocket. well, my pockets are just about empty now. i literally cant afford to keep trying things and have them not work for me. so im having surgery. you may or may not agree with my choice but i had to do what was best for me and my family.

june 8. 3 weeks from today. it should last about an hour and ill spend a night in the hospital, being taken care of by the very people i work with. yea, that awesome insurance i have also requires me to get my care at the hospital i work at. sweet. it's a 6 week recovery and i should be able to run 8 weeks after surgery.

this throws my whole fall racing plan out the window and ill start from scratch. i won't be running my first marathon (insert tears) but i will make the best of it. im still going to be at MDI because i can't miss the epic weekend with an amazing group of people. shabby ally is going to run the relay with me and we are going to have fun! im still going to raise money for train 4 autism and springy pond farms. (click here to donate *wink wink*)

you hear that running Gods!? im going to have fun and im going to run again!!!

im also planning on getting some revenge at the chilly half marathon in newton which was my first half. i wasnt sure if i would be able to run this after running MDI but since im not running the full, i will absolutely be there. everything else is up in the air.

getting better is my first priority and ill put all my energy into a healthy recovery. red and i have been tossing emails back and forth about our injuries and how they have sidelined us from what we had hoped would be an epic 2011 racing season. we have decided that 2012 will be ours and in the meantime we will motivate each other to stay positive and focus on what is important.

God, grant me the serenity to accept when i cannot run

the courage to run when i can

and the wisdom to know the difference