the good, the bad and the ugly

so it's been a freakin week since my surgery! ya, the one i have been oh so patiently waiting for freaking out about for the last bunch of weeks. well folks, i lived! :-) this last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. but here ya have it. the good, the bad and the ugly.

***** WARNING! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, SKIP THE UGLY PART OF THIS POST*******

the good I HAVE NO MORE LEG PAIN!!!! im not living on pain meds every 3 hours! this is probably the most exciting news ever. going back to last wednesday though. i had to be at the hospital at 7:00 for my 8:30 surgery. when i checked in they told me my surgery had been moved up to 8:00 so they hurried through the admission process. i was a ok with that. one thing i am learning through all of this is that i am not in any way shape or form a patient person and so waiting around was not at the top of my list. it was pretty smooth sailing. routine questions that i had been asked a million and one times already so my answers were pretty automatic at this point. they also had to do a routine pregnancy test even though i prayed to God  told them i wasn't. while waiting for those results they asked the "are you depressed or suicidal" questions. i told them that my answer was contingent on the results of my pregnancy test. they laughed. thankfully, im not. win. 

i spent most of the morning being a smart ass with the nurses. shocker, i know. however, my surgeon got me back when his pale skinned, red headed self walked in to sign my back (always comforting when the surgeon has to autograph the correct side of my back to make sure he operates in the correct place). He lifted up my shirt and took one look at my nasty sunburn and told me i was more red then he was and he's not used to seeing such things. yeah, smart sarah spent 4 hours in the 93* sun over memorial day weekend. burnt to a crisp!. then, someone tells me they are giving me a nice little morning cocktail and the next thing i remember i was waking up in the recovery room, crying and them yelling my name. 

details are a little fuzzy at this point. i know they pumped in some morphine but i also remember at that time not feeling any leg pain at all. 

is this really over? has the last 4 months of pain finally come to an end?

so they wheeled me up to my room and i promptly asked for my phone. does this really  surprise anyone??? i needed to send out a quick email to my amazing friends who have been such huge supports to me. then i of course had to have my mom snap this gem of a picture so that i could let my twitter peeps know i was alive! 

it wasn't an hour later before i was up an walking around. since i had surgery at the same hospital that i work at (only slightly awkward) i had lots of visitors all day. however, this was the best visitor i had!

i settled in to bed and caught up on some reading. 

5 hours after surgery i took this picture. 

so the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. my husband and mom left, so i was left to entertain myself for a while. this was about the time i thought that being a pole dancer with my IV pole would be a fun career. 

the bad if i didn't think i was sleeping before surgery, im realllllly am not sleeping now. oy. i think the night i spent in the hospital i slept 3 hours or so. although i did have a sweet chat with my nurse at midnight about how we think the hospital is haunted with nuns. seriously, its true. i can't shower for another week (mind you, it's been a week already since my last shower). mmmmm sponge baths you are not fun. aren't you jealous that you don't get to hang out with me for the next week??? i can't work, drive, lift, bend, twist etc for 6 weeks making a very independent person completely dependent on everyone else. ill have a checkup at 6 weeks and as long as things are going well, i should be able to ease back into running at 8 weeks. withdrawing off of vicodin is not fun. not fun at all. i stopped taking it saturday after my surgery and was living in the land of the dead until tuesday morning. 

***** WARNING! IT'S TIME FOR THE UGLY*******

the ugly 18 fantastic staples later. i did say i wanted another tattoo! :-)

***** THE UGLY IS OVER :-)*******

so there you have it folks. the basics of what i hope is a changing point in my life. ive got so much more to say...but, ive got 6 weeks of doing nothing ahead of me, so ill save that for another post or 7. i just want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been there with me every step of the way. picking up the pieces at home, being on the other end of phone calls when i was beyond frustrated and crying, and celebrating my recovery. THANK YOU! I honestly couldn't do it without you. 

peace out st.marys. you've been great!

129 days later.

I've thought alot about what I wanted to say in this post. you know, the "last blog before surgery" post. i thought it would be a lot of reflecting on the last 4 months and how much pain ive been in. how i've taken camp on the pity pot with several attempts to get off with no luck. i think ive done enough of that though.

it's been 129 days today since my initial injury in january. a simple thing i had done countless times finally got the best of me.

74 days since my last run (really? only 74? apparently 74 days feels like a lifetime!). clearly i tried to power through my injury and thought that it would go away. for awhile my back felt better when i ran and then just like that, one day i couldn't run anymore.

ive spent enough time feeling sorry for myself, being jealous of everyone else who could run, and crying. im over it and im tired of it and ive let it impact my life in more ways then i care for.

all this time away from life has given me a lot of time to think. everyone has said "maybe this happened for a reason". ugh really? not what i wanted to hear thank you. buuuuuut i think they were right. 3 weeks ago i got hungry. hungry to be a better runner. to be faster & stronger. i've had lots of time to read and i've figured out that my "ill run when i can find time and maybe do some x-training and core work if i feel like it" attitude is not going to help me reach my goals.

i'm blessed that running has not been taken away from me for good and im going to take full advantage of that when i return. many of you have told me you are thinking and praying for me. it means so much to me to know that there are so many people out there rooting for me. here's what i want you to do for me though. i want you to go out for a run today or tomorrow, naked. no watch, no tunes, no expected pace, no pre determined distance. just go out and run because you can! enjoy the world around you. celebrate the fact that today you can run! theeeen, tell me about how awesome it was!

with that, i am going to enjoy today. ill grab a few beers and some french fries at my favorite bar with one of my best friends and simply relax. thank you all who have been there for me. i think i am finally at the end of this long road.