T

One year ago today this happened.

and it feels like over night he turned into this...

Dear Ty,

You are the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. You have brought so much joy and laugher into my life. The days when I was at my worst you just looked at me, smiled and started laughing...I can't help but smile from ear to ear every time I hear that. You love life more then anyone I know and I can't wait to see you grow. One year ago today at 8:00pm you entered this world full of life. Tonight, at 8:00pm I quietly walked into your room where you were peacefully sleeping after a fun day at daycare celebrating with your friends and then a yummy dinner at Friendly's with your dad and I. I told you how much I love you and gave you a kiss. I wondered what you were dreaming about, and I hope all your dreams come true. From the day you were born everyone has called you smiley. You are so happy all the time and I couldn't be more blessed. I love you Ty.

Love,
Mama

patience? i haz none

....true story. i might be the most inpatient person ever. not like, oh hey it's taken you 45 minutes to bring me my cheeseburger and fries you suck, inpatient. more like, i've been killing myself at the gym for a whole week, why am i not buff and have abs of steal by now, inpatient.

this whole injury thing has tested my patience a time or two. i hate sitting around and waiting for things to happen..like all these doctors appointments. i can't tell you how many times i was referred to an office and then told it would be 3-4 weeks before i could get in.

excuse me, i dont have 3-4 weeks. i have a marathon to start training for. i need to get fixed now!


clearly my urgency wasn't enough for them to fit me in any earlier. sigh. as it got later and later in the spring i slowly realized that my fall marathon was out the window (good news: i can write about it and not cry anymore! progress my friends!).

having 6 weeks off in the summer and being told to "wake up, take your meds, eat breakfast, go for a walk, take a nap, take your meds, eat lunch, go for a walk, take a nap, take your meds, eat dinner, go for a walk and then go to bed" sounds pretty sweet and im sure many people would be jealous of such a thing. i enjoyed it for a while but after a week, i was bored, restless and itching to get back to life.

anyone that knows me, knows that i don't slow down for much. i had a lot of time to think which i always have told my patients is not a good idea. too much thinking is never good. i had minor freak out moments where i felt like i would never get better and days when i felt so good i wanted to put my running shoes on and take off. i talked to two different running friends that i have a lot of respect for and they both told me i need to be patient.

but you knooooooow im not patient


you'll get back and you'll be fine. but you must be patient. if you're not, that's how you'll injure yourself. just know the more patient you are now, the better it will be later.


ok. fine. 


so here i sit. trying to be patient, a week left to go in my recovery and feeling pretty good. i take my daily 3ish mile walk once or twice a day and then rest. i spend way too much time on twitter (im sure the twitterverse will be happy when i return to work) and watching tv. i read trashy books and think about what it will be like to get back to life again. im so thankful i have the unlimited texting plan (is 8,000 a month too much?) and have designed my next tattoo. i've also refocused myself. i know what i want and im so excited to go get it. like jumping out of my skin excited!

i know that im going to need to carry all this patience over into my training. before i got injured, 26.2 was going to be a challenge. running doesn't come easy or naturally to me. it's something i have to put a lot of work into. now that i have to start from scratch, its going to be even more of a challenge. im going to need patience, trust, and strength to get through it...all things ive needed and had to get through the last 5 months. i know ive got 'em....just need to put them to use!

things are looking up!

oh hi! it's me...the one who hasn't blessed this blog with her im so depressed posts love in a good month or so. breaking news folks: IM BACK!!! last time i updated you was a week post surgery, im now 4 1/2 weeks out. to be honest, it hasn't been all rainbows and unicorns...which is kinda why you haven't heard from me. i was sick of having nothing good today say, or pretending i had good things to say. i don't wanna get too excited but i think i am finally making some progress. there was some concern that i had reherniated my disc and had a follow up CT scan which showed "post op abnormalities". oy, thats a phrase i dislike. so they had to order an mri to confirm or deny a reherniation. i got the results of that today and to quote my doc "your mri looks fine, no disc issues at all".

for real!? im good to go!?


he says the pain im feeling in my leg could be some nerve damage or some scar tissue. to be honest, the pain isn't that bad compared to what i was feeling before my surgery. hell, i havent taken any pain meds since 3 days post op. that says something, especially when i was taking 8 vicodin a day just to get through the day before surgery. what i feel is a pinch right behind my right knee and its worse when im not active. doc said that getting in the pool is A OK and thinks that will be the best thing for me right now.


to say the last 4+ weeks has been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. i can remember 2 days specifically that i just wanted to jump off the ledge. i was mentally done. the first day i sent my dear friend an email asking him all my "what if" questions. he wrote back, answered every last one of my "what if" questions and talked me off the ledge. then, i got two care packages that day from two amazing friends.

then a few weeks later when my leg was really getting wonky and worse this gem of a package showed up at my parents doorstep from my royal sister...

another thing that has kept me from freaking out is going through all this with someone. i remember getting back to my room from surgery and seeing a tweet from eric. he was going to have the same surgery as i just had a week later. we've been chatting since and it's been so nice to have someone to talk to about different pains or things that are going on in our recovery. i have had amazing support from all my friends and family but it's nice to talk to someone who understands and knows the exact things im talking about.

sooooo that's the injury update. just because my leg has been all wonky doesn't mean it has slowed me down any....

ive been watching hours of whale wars with zachie at night...

reading lots of trash magazines...

taking boat rides to islands off the coast of maine...

watching joanie kick butt at the ll bean 4th of july 10k...

enjoying parades with my little man...

eating lots of strawberry shortcake...

taking t on lots of walks...up lots of hills...

and of course watching lots of world cup soccer!!

i've also been swooning over all things tattoo and hope solo related...but that's all for a different day! :-)

ive got another week and a half or so of recovery left before i am cleared to go back to work. im finally feeling good. ive got some spunk back and im not letting it get away from me again!

the good, the bad and the ugly

so it's been a freakin week since my surgery! ya, the one i have been oh so patiently waiting for freaking out about for the last bunch of weeks. well folks, i lived! :-) this last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. but here ya have it. the good, the bad and the ugly.

***** WARNING! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, SKIP THE UGLY PART OF THIS POST*******

the good I HAVE NO MORE LEG PAIN!!!! im not living on pain meds every 3 hours! this is probably the most exciting news ever. going back to last wednesday though. i had to be at the hospital at 7:00 for my 8:30 surgery. when i checked in they told me my surgery had been moved up to 8:00 so they hurried through the admission process. i was a ok with that. one thing i am learning through all of this is that i am not in any way shape or form a patient person and so waiting around was not at the top of my list. it was pretty smooth sailing. routine questions that i had been asked a million and one times already so my answers were pretty automatic at this point. they also had to do a routine pregnancy test even though i prayed to God  told them i wasn't. while waiting for those results they asked the "are you depressed or suicidal" questions. i told them that my answer was contingent on the results of my pregnancy test. they laughed. thankfully, im not. win. 

i spent most of the morning being a smart ass with the nurses. shocker, i know. however, my surgeon got me back when his pale skinned, red headed self walked in to sign my back (always comforting when the surgeon has to autograph the correct side of my back to make sure he operates in the correct place). He lifted up my shirt and took one look at my nasty sunburn and told me i was more red then he was and he's not used to seeing such things. yeah, smart sarah spent 4 hours in the 93* sun over memorial day weekend. burnt to a crisp!. then, someone tells me they are giving me a nice little morning cocktail and the next thing i remember i was waking up in the recovery room, crying and them yelling my name. 

details are a little fuzzy at this point. i know they pumped in some morphine but i also remember at that time not feeling any leg pain at all. 

is this really over? has the last 4 months of pain finally come to an end?

so they wheeled me up to my room and i promptly asked for my phone. does this really  surprise anyone??? i needed to send out a quick email to my amazing friends who have been such huge supports to me. then i of course had to have my mom snap this gem of a picture so that i could let my twitter peeps know i was alive! 

it wasn't an hour later before i was up an walking around. since i had surgery at the same hospital that i work at (only slightly awkward) i had lots of visitors all day. however, this was the best visitor i had!

i settled in to bed and caught up on some reading. 

5 hours after surgery i took this picture. 

so the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. my husband and mom left, so i was left to entertain myself for a while. this was about the time i thought that being a pole dancer with my IV pole would be a fun career. 

the bad if i didn't think i was sleeping before surgery, im realllllly am not sleeping now. oy. i think the night i spent in the hospital i slept 3 hours or so. although i did have a sweet chat with my nurse at midnight about how we think the hospital is haunted with nuns. seriously, its true. i can't shower for another week (mind you, it's been a week already since my last shower). mmmmm sponge baths you are not fun. aren't you jealous that you don't get to hang out with me for the next week??? i can't work, drive, lift, bend, twist etc for 6 weeks making a very independent person completely dependent on everyone else. ill have a checkup at 6 weeks and as long as things are going well, i should be able to ease back into running at 8 weeks. withdrawing off of vicodin is not fun. not fun at all. i stopped taking it saturday after my surgery and was living in the land of the dead until tuesday morning. 

***** WARNING! IT'S TIME FOR THE UGLY*******

the ugly 18 fantastic staples later. i did say i wanted another tattoo! :-)

***** THE UGLY IS OVER :-)*******

so there you have it folks. the basics of what i hope is a changing point in my life. ive got so much more to say...but, ive got 6 weeks of doing nothing ahead of me, so ill save that for another post or 7. i just want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been there with me every step of the way. picking up the pieces at home, being on the other end of phone calls when i was beyond frustrated and crying, and celebrating my recovery. THANK YOU! I honestly couldn't do it without you. 

peace out st.marys. you've been great!

129 days later.

I've thought alot about what I wanted to say in this post. you know, the "last blog before surgery" post. i thought it would be a lot of reflecting on the last 4 months and how much pain ive been in. how i've taken camp on the pity pot with several attempts to get off with no luck. i think ive done enough of that though.

it's been 129 days today since my initial injury in january. a simple thing i had done countless times finally got the best of me.

74 days since my last run (really? only 74? apparently 74 days feels like a lifetime!). clearly i tried to power through my injury and thought that it would go away. for awhile my back felt better when i ran and then just like that, one day i couldn't run anymore.

ive spent enough time feeling sorry for myself, being jealous of everyone else who could run, and crying. im over it and im tired of it and ive let it impact my life in more ways then i care for.

all this time away from life has given me a lot of time to think. everyone has said "maybe this happened for a reason". ugh really? not what i wanted to hear thank you. buuuuuut i think they were right. 3 weeks ago i got hungry. hungry to be a better runner. to be faster & stronger. i've had lots of time to read and i've figured out that my "ill run when i can find time and maybe do some x-training and core work if i feel like it" attitude is not going to help me reach my goals.

i'm blessed that running has not been taken away from me for good and im going to take full advantage of that when i return. many of you have told me you are thinking and praying for me. it means so much to me to know that there are so many people out there rooting for me. here's what i want you to do for me though. i want you to go out for a run today or tomorrow, naked. no watch, no tunes, no expected pace, no pre determined distance. just go out and run because you can! enjoy the world around you. celebrate the fact that today you can run! theeeen, tell me about how awesome it was!

with that, i am going to enjoy today. ill grab a few beers and some french fries at my favorite bar with one of my best friends and simply relax. thank you all who have been there for me. i think i am finally at the end of this long road.

3 dollar therapy session!

im a mess. a big. fat. hot. mess. ive got a lot going on in the little brain of mine of mine one of which being that in a week and a half im having back surgery. yea, you know....like they cut me open, push away some muscles, shave (really? shave?) off part of my disc, put the muscle back and close me up again. yea- im kinda scared. ok, i lied...alot scared. reach the beach was one of the best and most emotional times ive had in a while. by the time we reached the beach i couldn't hold on anymore. i let my teammates stuff their faces with some well deserved food while i took a walk and cried for a while.

that was supposed to be me running up that ski slope.

i was supposed to be making a fashion statement in the headlamp and vest at 3:30am

danielle powered through her last leg and we all joined her and crossed the finish line together. they even gave me a medal. but i didn't deserve it.

one of the things that ive been missing in all this is exercise. sweat. hardwork. ive thought about going to the pool on several occasions. it scares me. im not a great swimmer by any means. technically im pretty funny to watch. i got talking to morgan about aqua jogging and decided i could probably manage that. the monday after rtb i decided that i was going to hit the pool and give it a whirl.

im not going to lie, i googled "how to aqua jog" before i went. trrrrue story. the first night was all about figuring it out. i think i jogged 1600 meters that night. i felt good, my hip was starting to bother me at the end so i stopped before anything got bad. after i called morgan so she could give me some more tips. i figured out how to keep track of my laps but i learned that when i zone out i forget. focus sarah focus!

i went back again the next night and busted out 2700 meters in about 55 minutes. i have no idea what this means but it was probably one of the best workouts ive had in a long time, both mentally and physically. i started off a bit slow but about 8 laps in i got in to a groove. its kinda like how i really hate the first 3ish miles of my runs. i usually want to turn around and go home and just as i am about to stop and start walking something clicks in and i settle in to my run. this was the same kind of thing. i slogged for a while before something kicked in and i powered through the rest.

tonight i went back for my third workout. 3000 meters in 60 minutes. again, no idea if this is "good" or "bad" but i honestly don't care. i paid 3 bucks for a 60 minute therapy session. i thought about alot of things tonight. each time i got to the end and turned to head back i looked at the wall ahead of me and focused all my energy there. i saw a lot of numbers on that wall. 4:06:23, 59:59, 1:57, 8:30, 26.2. i saw myself running through the finish line of MY marathon (oh, and i looked gooood incase you were wondering). i thought of luau and sam who were both battling autism today- my problems were nothing compared to theirs. i thought of zach, who inspires me in more ways then he will ever know. i cursed at runners who can bq on a regular basis but then i thought that maybe i have a quality that they wished they had. there were times when i felt like i wasn't moving at all, it was these times when i literally talked to myself out loud and said "don't stop now sarah, finish this". i also finally figured out what my 26.2 tattoo is going to look like. epic.

the first two nights they had music playing but tonight there was nothing. all i heard was my breathing, and the sound of the water. i wondered if this is what it was like to run without music, something i have a hard time doing. i don't like hearing my feet hit the pavement or my breath completely out of control. i started to think about the things i need/want/am going to do to be a better runner. im mentally ready to put in the time, effort, and hard work needed to be stronger and faster.

im sorry for all the debby downer posts lately but tonight i feel good. im excited for the future, for my plans, to use this experience to make me stronger.  hang in there with me cause im going to need all the support i can get while i get cut open. im still scared.

happy sarah leving the pool!

the art of spectating

during my adventures in boston, i met red and spike. since red and i are both broken we were forced to spectate the 5k rather then run it. as we were walking to our spectating spots red asked me if i had heard of spikes spectating abilities, which i had not. simply put, out. of. control. i kindly asked spike if he would write a guest post for you. he agreed....without further adieu, i present spike and the art of spectating.

I love to spectate.  I’d like to tell you I do it because, as a runner, I appreciate how awesome it is to have a positive spectating experience; but that would be a huge lie.  Whilst running I am almost completely oblivious of most spectators, what they are yelling, or the signs they may have made.  So, that altruistic motive is right out.

I do it because it amuses me.  Seriously.  Sad...yep.  But honest.  I just blurt out things I think are funny.  And, because some people who have spectated with me find the things I blurt out humorous, I’ve been asked to do a guest post about it.  I hope I don’t fail.  There is nothing worse than being introduced as ‘this hilarious person’ only to be asked on the spot to be funny—and then fail. 

So, with failure to be funny looming, I’ll begin.  

How does one describe the process of being a witty idiot?  Well, just think about things runners think about, and then say something somewhat related and somewhat absurd.  Example: most runners are trying to P.R. their race, so anything that has to do with obtaining a P.R. is excellent fodder.  I like: “Beat your P.R. like it was a piñata!”  Or, perhaps: “Break your P.R. the way old men break wind…recklessly!”  As you can see, the trend here is to use an exclamation point at the end.  So, tip one; say it with meaning.  

Each race provides an opportunity to customize your cheers.  The first thing one could ponder is the name or theme of the race and poke fun at that.  At the Martian Series of Races I was fond of: “There are aliens behind you and they have probes…run faster!”  After finishing Boston and meeting back up with the Redhead, I told runners: “You are not hallucinating, there is a unicorn ahead!  Go get your unicorn!”  During the Cleveland Marathon (and half) I yelled: “At least you are not running the Detroit Marathon (or half).”  I can do this because I’m from Detroit.  Had anybody else shouted that and not been from Detroit, they would have found themselves in a fistfight.  Therefore, tip two; make fun of Detroit, aliens, or unicorns.  

An important footnote (man do I wish blogger allowed real footnotes): the surroundings of where you are spectating are also great places to find inspiration.  At Martian there were cones along the last .1M of the route.  So, I suggested runners “Help the city save money by picking up a cone and carrying it to the finish line!”  While in Cleveland, we were directly across from the Carol B. Stokes Federal Court House.  I used a bullhorn to go all ‘Mr. Tour Guide’ on them; informing participants they were running past the Carol B. Stokes Federal Court House.  I would then elaborate by shouting “Court was not in session” and that “Judges are nude under their robes.”  What is important here is that you should lie if you are uncertain of the accuracy of your statements.  Telling runners “there are 3,612 bathrooms in the CBS building” is perfectly acceptable even if you are off by two or three restrooms.  This leads us to tip three; lie like a rug.

When you see the runner(s) you are there to spectate you can cheer wildly.  But I prefer to yell: “That is my friend Beth!  Hey, my friend Beth is in front of you!  Go pass her!”  Then I let Beth know: “Beth, they are coming for you!”  However, perhaps you could go with something more encouraging like: “You look better than a new pair of snow tires!”  These things will undoubtedly lift your runner’s spirits.  Therefore, tip four; talk about something you would like.   

Every runner knows that finishing is the hardest part.  So, a good spectator should recognize this fact and provide helpful information to motivate the runner.  And I’m not talking about yelling: “You are almost there!”  Please, this information is useless and vague at best.  I like to tell runners there is “Free water at the finish!  Literally, almost unlimited amounts of free water!  All you can carry just ahead!”  Near the finish line, this really gets the racers going.  I also encourage runners to finish by letting them know there are also “Free bananas at the finish.”  And, even though it is cruel (see tip # 3), I’m not above telling runners: “There is almost no water left!  Run faster to get the last cup!”  This leads us to tip five; provide helpful information.

Signage.  The Redhead is better at this than I am.  She comes up with amazing phrase that are short but effective (example: “Light it Up!).  She then writes it in large easy-to-read-as-you-run-past letters.  I prefer to put something more longwinded on the sign, cramming letters in like Japanese subway riders.    Example: “It’s about glory and points for the Playmakers race series.  If they look like they might be in your age group, pass them.”  Or, for a women’s only race: “The Jingle Bell 5K lacks balls, and that is a good thing.”  As discussed above, you can incorporate parts of the race into your signage.  At the Mason State Bank 5K a hill comprises the last .2M of the race.  This resulted in: “Welcome to Heartburn Hill.  The younger cousin of Heartbreak Hill.”  Soooo, around the bend ends up at tip six; use a pencil to write in your slogan before you begin with a marker to ensure proper spacing.

Lastly, make up random things.  I’m fond of telling runners: “You are so close to finishing you can practically make out with it!  Go make out with your marathon!”  Or perhaps: “The people behind you are slower than you!”  Plus, the old: “Kittens are faster than tomatoes!  Are you!?!”  And thus, my last tip; make parents with children around feel a little uncomfortable.  

I hope you find this helpful. And remember, there are kittens in hot pursuit.