the good, the bad and the ugly

so it's been a freakin week since my surgery! ya, the one i have been oh so patiently waiting for freaking out about for the last bunch of weeks. well folks, i lived! :-) this last week has been a roller coaster of emotions. but here ya have it. the good, the bad and the ugly.

***** WARNING! IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH, SKIP THE UGLY PART OF THIS POST*******

the good I HAVE NO MORE LEG PAIN!!!! im not living on pain meds every 3 hours! this is probably the most exciting news ever. going back to last wednesday though. i had to be at the hospital at 7:00 for my 8:30 surgery. when i checked in they told me my surgery had been moved up to 8:00 so they hurried through the admission process. i was a ok with that. one thing i am learning through all of this is that i am not in any way shape or form a patient person and so waiting around was not at the top of my list. it was pretty smooth sailing. routine questions that i had been asked a million and one times already so my answers were pretty automatic at this point. they also had to do a routine pregnancy test even though i prayed to God  told them i wasn't. while waiting for those results they asked the "are you depressed or suicidal" questions. i told them that my answer was contingent on the results of my pregnancy test. they laughed. thankfully, im not. win. 

i spent most of the morning being a smart ass with the nurses. shocker, i know. however, my surgeon got me back when his pale skinned, red headed self walked in to sign my back (always comforting when the surgeon has to autograph the correct side of my back to make sure he operates in the correct place). He lifted up my shirt and took one look at my nasty sunburn and told me i was more red then he was and he's not used to seeing such things. yeah, smart sarah spent 4 hours in the 93* sun over memorial day weekend. burnt to a crisp!. then, someone tells me they are giving me a nice little morning cocktail and the next thing i remember i was waking up in the recovery room, crying and them yelling my name. 

details are a little fuzzy at this point. i know they pumped in some morphine but i also remember at that time not feeling any leg pain at all. 

is this really over? has the last 4 months of pain finally come to an end?

so they wheeled me up to my room and i promptly asked for my phone. does this really  surprise anyone??? i needed to send out a quick email to my amazing friends who have been such huge supports to me. then i of course had to have my mom snap this gem of a picture so that i could let my twitter peeps know i was alive! 

it wasn't an hour later before i was up an walking around. since i had surgery at the same hospital that i work at (only slightly awkward) i had lots of visitors all day. however, this was the best visitor i had!

i settled in to bed and caught up on some reading. 

5 hours after surgery i took this picture. 

so the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. my husband and mom left, so i was left to entertain myself for a while. this was about the time i thought that being a pole dancer with my IV pole would be a fun career. 

the bad if i didn't think i was sleeping before surgery, im realllllly am not sleeping now. oy. i think the night i spent in the hospital i slept 3 hours or so. although i did have a sweet chat with my nurse at midnight about how we think the hospital is haunted with nuns. seriously, its true. i can't shower for another week (mind you, it's been a week already since my last shower). mmmmm sponge baths you are not fun. aren't you jealous that you don't get to hang out with me for the next week??? i can't work, drive, lift, bend, twist etc for 6 weeks making a very independent person completely dependent on everyone else. ill have a checkup at 6 weeks and as long as things are going well, i should be able to ease back into running at 8 weeks. withdrawing off of vicodin is not fun. not fun at all. i stopped taking it saturday after my surgery and was living in the land of the dead until tuesday morning. 

***** WARNING! IT'S TIME FOR THE UGLY*******

the ugly 18 fantastic staples later. i did say i wanted another tattoo! :-)

***** THE UGLY IS OVER :-)*******

so there you have it folks. the basics of what i hope is a changing point in my life. ive got so much more to say...but, ive got 6 weeks of doing nothing ahead of me, so ill save that for another post or 7. i just want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been there with me every step of the way. picking up the pieces at home, being on the other end of phone calls when i was beyond frustrated and crying, and celebrating my recovery. THANK YOU! I honestly couldn't do it without you. 

peace out st.marys. you've been great!

129 days later.

I've thought alot about what I wanted to say in this post. you know, the "last blog before surgery" post. i thought it would be a lot of reflecting on the last 4 months and how much pain ive been in. how i've taken camp on the pity pot with several attempts to get off with no luck. i think ive done enough of that though.

it's been 129 days today since my initial injury in january. a simple thing i had done countless times finally got the best of me.

74 days since my last run (really? only 74? apparently 74 days feels like a lifetime!). clearly i tried to power through my injury and thought that it would go away. for awhile my back felt better when i ran and then just like that, one day i couldn't run anymore.

ive spent enough time feeling sorry for myself, being jealous of everyone else who could run, and crying. im over it and im tired of it and ive let it impact my life in more ways then i care for.

all this time away from life has given me a lot of time to think. everyone has said "maybe this happened for a reason". ugh really? not what i wanted to hear thank you. buuuuuut i think they were right. 3 weeks ago i got hungry. hungry to be a better runner. to be faster & stronger. i've had lots of time to read and i've figured out that my "ill run when i can find time and maybe do some x-training and core work if i feel like it" attitude is not going to help me reach my goals.

i'm blessed that running has not been taken away from me for good and im going to take full advantage of that when i return. many of you have told me you are thinking and praying for me. it means so much to me to know that there are so many people out there rooting for me. here's what i want you to do for me though. i want you to go out for a run today or tomorrow, naked. no watch, no tunes, no expected pace, no pre determined distance. just go out and run because you can! enjoy the world around you. celebrate the fact that today you can run! theeeen, tell me about how awesome it was!

with that, i am going to enjoy today. ill grab a few beers and some french fries at my favorite bar with one of my best friends and simply relax. thank you all who have been there for me. i think i am finally at the end of this long road.

3 dollar therapy session!

im a mess. a big. fat. hot. mess. ive got a lot going on in the little brain of mine of mine one of which being that in a week and a half im having back surgery. yea, you know....like they cut me open, push away some muscles, shave (really? shave?) off part of my disc, put the muscle back and close me up again. yea- im kinda scared. ok, i lied...alot scared. reach the beach was one of the best and most emotional times ive had in a while. by the time we reached the beach i couldn't hold on anymore. i let my teammates stuff their faces with some well deserved food while i took a walk and cried for a while.

that was supposed to be me running up that ski slope.

i was supposed to be making a fashion statement in the headlamp and vest at 3:30am

danielle powered through her last leg and we all joined her and crossed the finish line together. they even gave me a medal. but i didn't deserve it.

one of the things that ive been missing in all this is exercise. sweat. hardwork. ive thought about going to the pool on several occasions. it scares me. im not a great swimmer by any means. technically im pretty funny to watch. i got talking to morgan about aqua jogging and decided i could probably manage that. the monday after rtb i decided that i was going to hit the pool and give it a whirl.

im not going to lie, i googled "how to aqua jog" before i went. trrrrue story. the first night was all about figuring it out. i think i jogged 1600 meters that night. i felt good, my hip was starting to bother me at the end so i stopped before anything got bad. after i called morgan so she could give me some more tips. i figured out how to keep track of my laps but i learned that when i zone out i forget. focus sarah focus!

i went back again the next night and busted out 2700 meters in about 55 minutes. i have no idea what this means but it was probably one of the best workouts ive had in a long time, both mentally and physically. i started off a bit slow but about 8 laps in i got in to a groove. its kinda like how i really hate the first 3ish miles of my runs. i usually want to turn around and go home and just as i am about to stop and start walking something clicks in and i settle in to my run. this was the same kind of thing. i slogged for a while before something kicked in and i powered through the rest.

tonight i went back for my third workout. 3000 meters in 60 minutes. again, no idea if this is "good" or "bad" but i honestly don't care. i paid 3 bucks for a 60 minute therapy session. i thought about alot of things tonight. each time i got to the end and turned to head back i looked at the wall ahead of me and focused all my energy there. i saw a lot of numbers on that wall. 4:06:23, 59:59, 1:57, 8:30, 26.2. i saw myself running through the finish line of MY marathon (oh, and i looked gooood incase you were wondering). i thought of luau and sam who were both battling autism today- my problems were nothing compared to theirs. i thought of zach, who inspires me in more ways then he will ever know. i cursed at runners who can bq on a regular basis but then i thought that maybe i have a quality that they wished they had. there were times when i felt like i wasn't moving at all, it was these times when i literally talked to myself out loud and said "don't stop now sarah, finish this". i also finally figured out what my 26.2 tattoo is going to look like. epic.

the first two nights they had music playing but tonight there was nothing. all i heard was my breathing, and the sound of the water. i wondered if this is what it was like to run without music, something i have a hard time doing. i don't like hearing my feet hit the pavement or my breath completely out of control. i started to think about the things i need/want/am going to do to be a better runner. im mentally ready to put in the time, effort, and hard work needed to be stronger and faster.

im sorry for all the debby downer posts lately but tonight i feel good. im excited for the future, for my plans, to use this experience to make me stronger.  hang in there with me cause im going to need all the support i can get while i get cut open. im still scared.

happy sarah leving the pool!

the art of spectating

during my adventures in boston, i met red and spike. since red and i are both broken we were forced to spectate the 5k rather then run it. as we were walking to our spectating spots red asked me if i had heard of spikes spectating abilities, which i had not. simply put, out. of. control. i kindly asked spike if he would write a guest post for you. he agreed....without further adieu, i present spike and the art of spectating.

I love to spectate.  I’d like to tell you I do it because, as a runner, I appreciate how awesome it is to have a positive spectating experience; but that would be a huge lie.  Whilst running I am almost completely oblivious of most spectators, what they are yelling, or the signs they may have made.  So, that altruistic motive is right out.

I do it because it amuses me.  Seriously.  Sad...yep.  But honest.  I just blurt out things I think are funny.  And, because some people who have spectated with me find the things I blurt out humorous, I’ve been asked to do a guest post about it.  I hope I don’t fail.  There is nothing worse than being introduced as ‘this hilarious person’ only to be asked on the spot to be funny—and then fail. 

So, with failure to be funny looming, I’ll begin.  

How does one describe the process of being a witty idiot?  Well, just think about things runners think about, and then say something somewhat related and somewhat absurd.  Example: most runners are trying to P.R. their race, so anything that has to do with obtaining a P.R. is excellent fodder.  I like: “Beat your P.R. like it was a piñata!”  Or, perhaps: “Break your P.R. the way old men break wind…recklessly!”  As you can see, the trend here is to use an exclamation point at the end.  So, tip one; say it with meaning.  

Each race provides an opportunity to customize your cheers.  The first thing one could ponder is the name or theme of the race and poke fun at that.  At the Martian Series of Races I was fond of: “There are aliens behind you and they have probes…run faster!”  After finishing Boston and meeting back up with the Redhead, I told runners: “You are not hallucinating, there is a unicorn ahead!  Go get your unicorn!”  During the Cleveland Marathon (and half) I yelled: “At least you are not running the Detroit Marathon (or half).”  I can do this because I’m from Detroit.  Had anybody else shouted that and not been from Detroit, they would have found themselves in a fistfight.  Therefore, tip two; make fun of Detroit, aliens, or unicorns.  

An important footnote (man do I wish blogger allowed real footnotes): the surroundings of where you are spectating are also great places to find inspiration.  At Martian there were cones along the last .1M of the route.  So, I suggested runners “Help the city save money by picking up a cone and carrying it to the finish line!”  While in Cleveland, we were directly across from the Carol B. Stokes Federal Court House.  I used a bullhorn to go all ‘Mr. Tour Guide’ on them; informing participants they were running past the Carol B. Stokes Federal Court House.  I would then elaborate by shouting “Court was not in session” and that “Judges are nude under their robes.”  What is important here is that you should lie if you are uncertain of the accuracy of your statements.  Telling runners “there are 3,612 bathrooms in the CBS building” is perfectly acceptable even if you are off by two or three restrooms.  This leads us to tip three; lie like a rug.

When you see the runner(s) you are there to spectate you can cheer wildly.  But I prefer to yell: “That is my friend Beth!  Hey, my friend Beth is in front of you!  Go pass her!”  Then I let Beth know: “Beth, they are coming for you!”  However, perhaps you could go with something more encouraging like: “You look better than a new pair of snow tires!”  These things will undoubtedly lift your runner’s spirits.  Therefore, tip four; talk about something you would like.   

Every runner knows that finishing is the hardest part.  So, a good spectator should recognize this fact and provide helpful information to motivate the runner.  And I’m not talking about yelling: “You are almost there!”  Please, this information is useless and vague at best.  I like to tell runners there is “Free water at the finish!  Literally, almost unlimited amounts of free water!  All you can carry just ahead!”  Near the finish line, this really gets the racers going.  I also encourage runners to finish by letting them know there are also “Free bananas at the finish.”  And, even though it is cruel (see tip # 3), I’m not above telling runners: “There is almost no water left!  Run faster to get the last cup!”  This leads us to tip five; provide helpful information.

Signage.  The Redhead is better at this than I am.  She comes up with amazing phrase that are short but effective (example: “Light it Up!).  She then writes it in large easy-to-read-as-you-run-past letters.  I prefer to put something more longwinded on the sign, cramming letters in like Japanese subway riders.    Example: “It’s about glory and points for the Playmakers race series.  If they look like they might be in your age group, pass them.”  Or, for a women’s only race: “The Jingle Bell 5K lacks balls, and that is a good thing.”  As discussed above, you can incorporate parts of the race into your signage.  At the Mason State Bank 5K a hill comprises the last .2M of the race.  This resulted in: “Welcome to Heartburn Hill.  The younger cousin of Heartbreak Hill.”  Soooo, around the bend ends up at tip six; use a pencil to write in your slogan before you begin with a marker to ensure proper spacing.

Lastly, make up random things.  I’m fond of telling runners: “You are so close to finishing you can practically make out with it!  Go make out with your marathon!”  Or perhaps: “The people behind you are slower than you!”  Plus, the old: “Kittens are faster than tomatoes!  Are you!?!”  And thus, my last tip; make parents with children around feel a little uncomfortable.  

I hope you find this helpful. And remember, there are kittens in hot pursuit.        

   

reach the beach

i cant wrap my mind around the weekend i just had. it will be a few days before i get a full recap up...but we REACHED THE BEACH!!!

three things thursday

reach the beach edition

1. even though im on the injured list, im still going along with my dirty little freaks (yeah, thats our team name. i know youre jealous) to reach the beach this weekend. im going to be the dd....or something like that. really, i am just going to be the super peppy annoying chick who has all kinds of energy cause she isn't running at all hours of the night on no sleep. all said and done, i think we have had 16 +/- different people on our team. we are now down to 10 1/2 runners for a 12 person relay. we lost 3 1/2 of the runners in the last 3 weeks (me included). awesome.

2. we might just have the best shirts ever.

3. our team captain danielle has been such a trooper. finding runners, designing shirts, ordering shirts, assigning legs, reassigning legs, turning a 12 person run into an 11 person run, to a 10 person run, to a 10 1/2 person run, organizing vans, food and tweet-ups! she rocks and i dont think she is ever going to be in charge of a relay team again! thanks d. xoxo.

follow us on twitter #dirtylittlefreaks
@gksarahj5
@rtdanielle09
@fiftyforbilly
@kissing_frogs
@swimrjul

and the verdict is...

just when i thought i had shed all the tears physically possible regarding my injury, my lack of running and my pain....i shed a few more yesterday. ok, i lied, a lot more. some of you know, many do not, but i had a meeting with a neurosurgeon yesterday to discuss my options for my herniated disc. whenever i mentioned back surgery to anyone, they freaked.

back surgery is risky

i've heard so many horror stories

you're too young for that

my friend had that, it didn't help

yeah, i heard it all. if you had asked me 4 months ago if i would consider back surgery, my answer would have been hell no!. but this is wearing on me. mentally and physically. big time. i can't begin to explain to you the kind of pain i am in so that you would understand. im not asking you to understand. what i want you to know is that i have tried everything. ok, maybe not everything but i've tried a lot of other alternative types of therapies. this is not a decision i made quickly. unfortunately, due to my insurance, i have paid for many of these alternative therapies out of pocket. well, my pockets are just about empty now. i literally cant afford to keep trying things and have them not work for me. so im having surgery. you may or may not agree with my choice but i had to do what was best for me and my family.

june 8. 3 weeks from today. it should last about an hour and ill spend a night in the hospital, being taken care of by the very people i work with. yea, that awesome insurance i have also requires me to get my care at the hospital i work at. sweet. it's a 6 week recovery and i should be able to run 8 weeks after surgery.

this throws my whole fall racing plan out the window and ill start from scratch. i won't be running my first marathon (insert tears) but i will make the best of it. im still going to be at MDI because i can't miss the epic weekend with an amazing group of people. shabby ally is going to run the relay with me and we are going to have fun! im still going to raise money for train 4 autism and springy pond farms. (click here to donate *wink wink*)

you hear that running Gods!? im going to have fun and im going to run again!!!

im also planning on getting some revenge at the chilly half marathon in newton which was my first half. i wasnt sure if i would be able to run this after running MDI but since im not running the full, i will absolutely be there. everything else is up in the air.

getting better is my first priority and ill put all my energy into a healthy recovery. red and i have been tossing emails back and forth about our injuries and how they have sidelined us from what we had hoped would be an epic 2011 racing season. we have decided that 2012 will be ours and in the meantime we will motivate each other to stay positive and focus on what is important.

God, grant me the serenity to accept when i cannot run

the courage to run when i can

and the wisdom to know the difference